[0:00] Music.
[0:13] Hello, my beautiful podcast people. Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited for this episode I have for you today. This episode is basically titled, The Number One Most Underrated Character Trait of Women Who Are Successful in Business. Women who make it, women who see it through to the end, women who achieve their goals and see their dreams become reality.
[0:34] And for most of this episode, I'm also going to tell you a story about a run that I went on this past Saturday. It was an eight mile run and it rained the entire time from the moment I opened the door of my car until the moment I closed the door of my car when I got back in it to drive back home. And so I want to tell you the story of that run in the rain because I was thinking about you, my podcast listeners, while I was running. And so I want to share some takeaways, some insights that I had on that run and show you how they apply so beautifully to business owners, especially to those of you, aka all of us, who are maybe in seasons in business that are feeling tricky or challenging, maybe like a slow slog,
[1:22] almost like a run in the rain. So if that feels like you, you're going to love this episode. So you may have heard me chatting in past episodes episodes about how I'm currently training for a half marathon that I'm going to be running next month, almost exactly one month from today.
[1:37] And this is not my first rodeo with running. I used to run cross country in high school and I did, I used to do a lot of long distance running in high school and in college. And I've never been a super fast runner, but for some reason, I've always just been able to go for a really long time, or at least that's what I tell myself, self, which stokes up my ego a little bit. And so I have always just had this love of long distance running. I love to just put in my headphones and go for a long time and.
[2:07] I love the way that my brain kind of is forced to turn off. And I love the way that I get clarity and revelation and insights about my life and most recently about my business while I'm running. The summer after I got married, I ran a half marathon and a marathon actually that summer. And so distance running isn't that big of a deal for me.
[2:27] It's not this huge, like stressful, anxiety-inducing thing like I know that it is for some people. But I do want to share some insights that I've had as I've been training for this half marathon. And I'm not training super hard or anything. I've been trying to run like two to three times a week. And for one of those runs, I try to have it be a pretty high mileage run. And now that I'm within a month of the half marathon, I'm going to start really laddering up that mileage. So the first week was, I think, a four mile run. I'm doing these every Saturday, four miles. And the week after that was six miles. This past Saturday was eight miles. miles and then I'll go up to 10 and then 12 and then a break and then a half marathon. But so this past Saturday, I set out for my scheduled eight mile run. And as I was going into my little running spot, I looked up at the sky and it was cloudy and I checked the weather on my phone and it did say there is a 30% chance of rain, but I was like, I'm willing to take that chance. So I did actually say a quick little prayer in my heart, like, Hey, if it's possible for it to not run on my rain today. That would be awesome.
[3:31] But like I mentioned before, as soon as I opened the door to my car, it started sprinkling. And in Utah, the weather is notorious for changing really quickly. So I didn't stress too much about it. I just thought it's going to blow over in five minutes. Not a big deal.
[3:44] Well, it picked up a little bit when I was like two miles in and I started thinking, dang, what am I going to do if it's like this the whole time? And then by mile three, it was a complete downpour and my shoes had already turned into sponges at this point. And it stayed that way for the next five miles straight.
[4:03] And, you know, not a big deal. Rain is fine. But just when you were just running in it and it's like you're stepping in puddles and and it's sloshing in your feet. And it wasn't that cold. Thankfully, it was warm-ish, but it just kind of, it makes you think differently. It changes your focus. It changes your perspective a little bit when you're being annoyed every single step of the way. And I was so seriously tempted to call Nate and ask him to come pick me up. But the area that I was running in has, there's no access to the road. So there's no way he could have come to get me, even if I had called and asked him to. So basically my options were either run back to my car or walk back to my car. And so I started thinking about you all on this run. I started thinking about how this run felt very familiar. You know, maybe a little bit of monotony, a little bit of discomfort, a little bit of possibly frustration, annoyance.
[5:00] You know, if we're just being real, sometimes Sometimes business feels that way. Hopefully it's not just for me, but sometimes business just feels like a little bit of a slow slog in the rain. And sometimes it just feels a little bit like I'm so deep into this, it would be just as hard to stop as it would be to keep going. Sometimes it feels a little bit like a chaotic mess. Sometimes you start to question some of your life decisions.
[5:26] So I was thinking about this on this run. I was thinking about women in business who I've observed over my past seven years as an entrepreneur, and I've watched many come and I've watched many go too. And there's no shame about discontinuing your business, about stopping whatever effort you're putting into your business. No shame around that whatsoever. It's just interesting to observe. And so I've been thinking about what is it that makes some people stay? And what is it that makes some people make it and just be super successful? Is there something unique about those people? Is there like a unique talent that they have or some kind of a gift that they've been blessed with? Or is it something else? And I do think it's something else. And I want to tell you about it. I think that it is the number one most underrated characteristic of successful business owners. You're probably starting to guess what I'm going to say, but in my opinion, the number one most underrated characteristic of successful business business owners is resilience. It's the ability to keep going anyway.
[6:31] It's the ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Another word for this is also grit. I actually picked up a book at the library called Grit. That's the actual title. It's written by Angela Duckworth. And I wanted to share some sections from it with you. This is not a book that I would recommend picking up to read. It's full of interesting stories and research, which is kind of cool. But I didn't find it to be like super life-changing. So I'm going to tell you some of the best parts on this episode today. This actually was really cool. So she talks about the Military Academy West Point, and you probably heard of it before, but I didn't realize how rigorous it is to get into the program. So basically, she explains the admissions process for West Point is one of the most rigorous and the most selective. collective. So besides having top SAT or ACT scores, you have to begin your application when you're a junior in high school. You have to be nominated by a member of Congress or a senator or the vice president of the United States. And you also have to have obviously super high marks in fitness, including running, push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups. So for most years, when the application opens, there's about 14,000 applicants that begin their admissions process us, again, as a junior in high school. And then from there, the pool kind of gets narrowed down to 4,000 who succeed in getting the required nominations.
[7:56] And then probably more than half of those, about 2,500, actually meet the academic and physical standards. And then from there, 1,200 are admitted and enrolled every year. And obviously, all of them are incredible athletes. but one in five of cadets will drop out before their graduation.
[8:18] So isn't that interesting that some of these people are spending years of their lives trying to get into this program and will quit, will drop out, most of them within like the first two months. And obviously the program is designed to make it so that there are some certain people that are weeded out. But what's interesting is that the author of this book, Angela Duckworth, was basically hired by West Point Academy to try to figure out a better process to predict which candidates would make it. So historically, they've been creating what they call a whole candidate score that basically calculates for their SAT scores, their high school rank, and any leadership opportunities that they had in high school in addition to their physical fitness. And they compile what they call a whole candidate score, which basically helps predict which ones are going to make it and which ones aren't. But the only problem is that this whole candidate score, it turns out, is very ineffective and it doesn't predict very accurately. And so they brought in Angela Duckworth to try to figure out why and to try to see if they could create a better system. This is so interesting, but they found that the cadets with the highest scores were just as likely to drop out as those with the lowest scores. So obviously, they're like, what's happening here and how can we fix this problem?
[9:39] So what they ended up creating was a different scale that they called the grit scale and started assessing cadets based on not their talent, not their intellectual ability, but instead on their grit, on their ability to stick with it, on their ability to just not quit no matter what, and started giving cadets rankings on the grit scale. And that turned out to be very accurate. So this says by the last day of basically their intensive basic training program that they call the Beast, 71 cadets had dropped out. Grit turned out to be an astoundingly reliable predictor of who made it through and who did not.
[10:22] She says, the next year I returned to West Point to run the same study. This time, 62 cadets dropped out. And again, Grit predicted who would stay. In contrast, contrast stayers and leavers had indistinguishable whole candidate scores so what matters for making it through not your sat scores not your high school rank not your leadership experience not your athletic ability what matters is your grit and so she goes on to share basically the assessment that they give to candidates and they're now using this grit scale in a lot of other applications and companies and things like that but i want to read to you the questions on the grit scale so that you can sort of take a quick assessment of how gritty are you.
[11:04] And obviously inside the book, there's like a numbering system and a scoring system, which I'm not going to take the time to do for you. But I do want to read the questions to you and let you sort of reflect and ponder on how you would answer these questions so that you can sort of get a taste of where your grit falls on the scale. So all these questions, there's a ranking from not at all like me to to not much like me, to somewhat like me, or mostly like me, or very much like me on a scale from one to five. So keep that in mind as I'm reading through these questions. So there's 10 questions. I'm going to read through them. First, new ideas and projects sometimes distract me from previous ones.
[11:43] Obviously, if you're highly distracted, but on this scale, that decreases your grit score. Setbacks don't discourage me. I don't give up easily. I often set a goal, but later choose to pursue a different one. I am a hard worker. I have difficulty maintaining my focus on projects that take more than a few months to complete. I finish whatever I begin. My interests change from year to year. I am diligent. I never give up. I have been obsessed with a certain idea or project for a short time but later lost interest I have overcome setbacks to conquer an important challenge so this is what I was thinking about on my eight mile run in the rain is that there's only some people who are willing to do things like this and I'm not trying to paint a correlation between people who are able to run half marathons are able to run businesses that's not quite what it is it was just interesting to think about the mindset of someone who's willing to just go run eight miles in the rain just because there's a certain goal they're working towards, just because they're trying to put a certain amount of stress on their body so that their body will adapt in time for an even greater amount of stress coming the very next week. There's not very many people who are willing to do that.
[13:01] And I think the same is true for business. There are not very many people who are willing to continue, who are willing to put one foot in front of the other, who are willing to continually expose themselves, who are willing to continually subject themselves to discomfort basically on purpose in hopes of creating something amazing. And so I think it says a lot about those of us who are still in it, those of us who are still doing the thing. I think if you're still doing it, that means that you have grit. I also want to read this other part from her book where she talks about basically four characteristics of someone who has grit. So first, she says, the first component that is required in order to have grit is to have interest. So she says, passion begins with intrinsically enjoying what you do. Every gritty person I've studied can point to aspects of their work they enjoy less than others. And most have to put up with at least one or two chores they don't enjoy at all. Nevertheless, they're captivated by the endeavor as a whole. With enduring fascination and childlike curiosity, they practically shout, I love what I do.
[14:09] That feels like a really good description of me. And I hope that it feels like a description of you too. If it doesn't, then that's just good to know, right? It's just good to be aware of like, hmm, maybe I'm not as interested in this business thing as I thought. And yes, it is possible to pivot into something that interests you more. That sounds a lot like my story, if you've heard my story before. The next thing is, she says, next comes the capacity to practice.
[14:34] One form of perseverance is the daily discipline of trying to do things better than you did yesterday. So after you've discovered and developed interest in a particular area, you must devote yourself to the sort of focused, wholehearted, you guys know I I love that phrase, full-hearted, whole-hearted. Challenge exceeding skill practice that leads to mastery. You must zero in on your weakness and you must do so over and over again for hours a day, week after month after year.
[15:04] To be gritty is to resist complacency. Whatever it takes, I want to improve, is the refrain of everyone who has grit, no matter their particular interest and no matter how excellent they already are. This makes me think of all of us because we know our business is not just something that you can spend an hour a month on, or you could, but there is a certain strength that comes from continually developing your skill day after day after day. Every time you post on Instagram, you are developing your marketing skill, whether you were intentionally thinking about it that way or not. Every time you send an email, every time you show up to a networking event to start a conversation with someone, you are developing your marketing skills and abilities. You are practicing your abilities so that you can master them, and that is a component of grit. Third is purpose. What ripens passion is the conviction that your work matters. For most people, interest without purpose is nearly impossible to sustain for a lifetime.
[16:07] It's therefore imperative that you identify your work as both personally interesting and at the same time, integrally connected to the well-being of others. For a few, a sense of purpose dawns early, but for many, the motivation to serve others heightens after the development of interest and years of disciplined practice. Regardless fully mature exemplars of grit invariably tell me my work is important both to me and to others i would bet if you're listening to this episode that probably resonates for you too and finally hope hope is a rising to the occasion kind of perseverance hope doesn't just define the last stage of grit it defines every stage from the very beginning to the very end And it is inestimably important to learn to keep going even when things are difficult, even when we have doubts. At various points, in big ways and small, we get knocked down. If we stay down, grit loses. If we get up, grit prevails. I love this element of thinking of business owners as the most hopeful people there are. And I would bet if you didn't have hope, there wouldn't be anything to keep going for. There wouldn't be anything to stick to it for.
[17:20] Finally, I want to share this quote that comes from her book as well, which I think is just the perfect way to summarize everything that we've already talked about here. But she says, grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina.
[17:35] Grit is sticking with your future day in and day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it's a marathon, not a sprint. Isn't that just the perfect way?
[17:53] The perfect explanation dyes together my analogy beautifully.
[17:57] So obviously that resonates with me a lot right now because I'm in training mode. But there's something else I want to bring up here, which is a conversation about how often I'm seeing conversations happening, especially on Instagram, about quantum leaping your income. And I'm seeing all kinds of business owners talking about, going from 2K a month to 10K, from 10K to 20K, from 20K months to 100K months. And I'm like, dang, that's awesome. And I fully support those goals. And I think they're really cool. But I just want to call this out because although I think these goals are awesome, I also think for those who are not experiencing quantum leaps month after month after month, They're not experiencing exponential increase. I went from making 2K one month to 100K in three months is kind of the way that the picture is being painted to us. And so our brains are creating that as the expectation for us. And I think it's creating a lot of unnecessary discomfort, especially for women who I coach who are, for lack of a better word, just feeling bogged down and frustrated about like, why can't I just hit this income goal? I'm working so hard. I should be there by now, which is creating a lot of friction and discomfort.
[19:19] I'm seeing the same things happening in regards to, for example, losing weight. I just yesterday saw this reel about this woman who lost 40 pounds in two months, which like, you know, we can have a conversation about whether or not that's healthy. That's beside the point. The whole expectation of this kind of extreme change happening in such a short period of time is aspirational and is amazing. And I think for people who are actually experiencing that, that's awesome. some. But for those who aren't, if you're left feeling like there's something wrong.
[19:53] There's not anything wrong. And so I can relate to this a lot. You see me in my Instagram stories. I am working on my fitness. I have been lifting weights, but this is basically my new fitness regime regimen is that I am working out. I'm lifting weights in an actual weight. I'm calling at my weightlifting session three times a week. I am obviously mixing in runs in preparation for the half marathon. I'm trying to eat a lot more protein. I'm trying to eat, actually, that's pretty much it. Just a lot more protein, especially during breakfast. I have this yummy smoothie that I've been making that is completely packed with protein and I feel so much better. But the physical change happening in my body is very slow, a lot slower than I would obviously like. And so again, Again, another analogy for business, right? Where it's like, if I'm watching this transformation happening in my physical body and I am constantly over here like it's not fast enough, it's not happening fast enough, I'm going to feel frustrated and possibly like angry and discouraged when there's nothing wrong.
[20:58] I'm doing all the things right. It just takes time for things like this to change and takes time for this to transform. form. And so once again, if you have felt frustrated that you're not experiencing this rapid change when it feels like everyone else is, I want to give you an aim that is going to be so much more useful for you. And obviously this aim is going to point you more towards developing grit and resilience. But the questions that I would ask that I think are so much better than how can I exponentially increase my income? How can I exponentially decrease increase the weight on my body is, are the steps that I'm taking in hopes of creating the results that I want, do I enjoy them so much that I could keep this going for a really long time?
[21:46] This is what I've been asking myself, especially about my fitness goals, is like, actually, yeah, I really like lifting weights. I have a class that I go to at the gym three times a week. All I have to do is show up. They tell me what to do and I leave feeling sore and tired. And so that feels effective to me. And I also leave feeling stronger.
[22:05] I love drinking my protein smoothie. I love eating a lot more protein for breakfast and trying to get more in my other meals of the day too. Could I keep that going for, let's just say six months? I totally could. And I plan to. It feels super sustainable because I really like the changes that I've made. I enjoy the food that I'm eating and I enjoy the way that I feel when I eat it. I genuinely feel so much better. I can tell when I eat a good substantial meal in the morning, I feel so much better all day long. Breakfast used to be the meal that I skipped or I would just like grab a bowl of cereal because my kids were running around crazy in the morning, but now I'm like really prioritizing that. And I can tell the difference. Could I keep that going for a year? You know, if I knew for sure that I would get the physical results that I wanted one year from now, if I was doing exactly what I'm doing right now and I kept going, would it be worth it to me to keep going? It absolutely would. And that's the real realization that has really helped me come to both with my business and with my physical health is like, yeah, I could keep this going. And if it took that long, would that be okay with me?
[23:16] You know what? It actually would. It actually would be okay with me if I knew that what I'm doing right now would get me to where I want to go. What about two years? What about three years? If it took that long, would I be willing to keep going? If you can If you can answer yes, then you know you're building something sustainable instead of looking for a silver bullet.
[23:40] And I wish there were more conversations like that happening on Instagram. There will be. I will be one of them starting this conversation so that you can see that you're probably not doing anything wrong. You probably are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. And actually, that is a mindset shift that I want to offer to you, is that everything that's happening right now in your business is happening exactly the way it's supposed to. And if you're in a season where you've been feeling like something's not right. My sales are too low. My marketing's not good enough. My marketing's not getting enough traction or engagement or whatever. And it's causing you discomfort and frustration and anxiety. That makes sense. Why? Because you are trying to argue with reality. This is actually a quote that I want to share with you from Loving What It Is by Byron Katie. This sentence, no joke, changed my life. She says, And it's seriously like the first sentence of her book. Well, okay, it's like the third paragraph, but it's on the first page. She says, the only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is.
[24:50] I'm going to read that again. And I want you to listen with your business ears. I want you to listen, thinking about the thing that's been driving you crazy. That's making you feel like you're not good enough. You're not doing a good enough job or something's wrong, or there's a problem that needs to be solved.
[25:03] The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. If your brain has been thinking thoughts about how your sales should be higher than this right now, or how you should be getting more engagement than you're getting right now, or you should be signing clients more easily than you are, of course that's going to cause suffering because you're arguing with what is, with what is happening. So I want to offer you this mindset shift? What if what's happening in your business right now is exactly what's supposed to be happening?
[25:35] What if there is some kind of lesson that you are unlocking right now that you have to have in order to get to the X number, thousands of dollars per month in sales that you're probably aiming for? And I want you to aim for that. And I think that's awesome. But I also don't want you to live in frustration of life right now, the way that it is. So this is just from the next page of Byron Katie's book. Again, Loving What Is. This is one that I would recommend. She says, the work, she calls the work, like is basically her unique format or process for shifting your mindset. But she says, the work reveals that what you think shouldn't have happened should have happened. And it should have happened because it did. And no thinking in the world can change that. This doesn't mean that you condone it or approve it. It just means that you can see things without without resistance and without confusion of your inner struggle. No one wants their kid to get sick. No one wants to be in a car accident. But when these things happen, how can it be helpful to mentally argue with them? We know better than to do that. Yet we do it because we don't know how to stop. She says, I'm a lover of what is not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.
[26:53] We can know that reality is good just as it is because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don't feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.
[27:10] So I really want you to own that. Whatever it is that you've been experiencing that your brain is telling you is a huge problem that you need to solve, this shouldn't be happening right now, is going to be like the key word, the key phrase to look for, is I want you to even right now in this moment, just with a deep breath, it should be happening because it is. What if this is exactly what's supposed to be happening? And what if there's a significant reason why? What if there's there's something that I can learn from this. Of course, there's something you can learn from this. Does that mean that you have to just accept what's currently happening and then you can't ever try to change it or try to create something new? No. But it just means that you're going to come up with the creative energy or come up with ideas to create things from a place of, I want to create something different, not because I think it will help me feel better, but just because I want to create something different. The biggest mind trap you could get in is trying to create abundance Abundance out of scarcity. It feels crummy. Believe me, I've been there. I want you to create abundance from a place of abundance, knowing that you already have enough. Everything is happening exactly the way that it's supposed to.
[28:18] Everything is conspiring in your favor. Here, where we have conversations about God being involved with our business, I want to add that layer in too. You are in His hands. He's got you. He has already orchestrated the miracles that you have been praying for and asking for. So if I told you that you're going to end up getting exactly what you want in three years from now, if you keep showing up every day and doing the thing for that long.
[28:45] Would you do it? Would you keep doing the marketing? Would you keep serving customers and clients? Would you keep experimenting? Would you keep creating and finessing your offers? Would you keep doing your personal development work and keep creating relationships? Your success is inevitable. That belief has become rock solid for me. And anytime I catch myself wavering or doubting myself or feeling anxiety or stress or worry, I come back to that belief that I know my success is inevitable. And that is a belief that like a little plant I have planted in my garden, I have pulled out all the weeds around it because it's kind of a vulnerable thing to believe because everyone else out there is talking about how only some people make it. I don't think that's true. I think anyone who desires to create success has the opportunity to because of this crazy, beautiful, amazing, abundant world that we live in. So if it's true that your success is inevitable, then every single step that you take forward, you are getting closer and closer to the inevitability of your success. Every day that you keep taking steps forward, the more and more inevitable your success becomes. I want you to remember that on the bad days, but also on the good days. Your success is inevitable if you keep going.
[30:06] Resilience. Grit. I am sending you all of my gritty, resilient vibes. And I can't wait to see you back here again next week. I hope you have an amazing week, my friend. We'll talk soon.
[30:22] Hey, I hope you loved this week's episode. If you did, I know you would love to be a member of my community, The Greenhouse. It's where I teach you how to build an amazing, fruitful life while you build an amazing, fruitful business. It is a movement for women who want to unsubscribe from the traditional success path that says that life has to be a struggle and instead learn how good making more money can get, how fun marketing can be, and how much joy and presence you're capable of feeling as a woman and as a mother. Find out more and join at katelynpriest.com slash greenhouse and I'll see you there.
[31:01] Music.
